Happy :: Birthday :: Joshua

Today is my little brother’s 21st birthday,
I don’t know that it’s a happy day, but I really want it to be
I wish I could take him to the strawberry festival like we used to
I wish that my entire goal in life today was once again to give him a Pooh present
& I wish we could butt heads because we’re so alike, so different,  so stubborn & the same
I feel bittersweet, sad, a little guilty for not being perfect & making the world perfect for him
but that’s not a new feeling ,mostly I’m just full of memories
It’s not that I’ve never had a brother turn 21 before
But I’ve never had my red headed, bright blue eyed little boy brother turn 21
And something feels almost wrong about it, and a little empty
Maybe it’s just because I can’t see him & I always thought I would.

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