It’s interesting having a broken bone, it effects me in ways I wouldn’t think… Like irrational and unfounded fears… It’s strange to lay here and feel helpless over things I’ve never had trouble with. If something dramatic or intense happens its almost too much for me… For instance a horse was injured in a movie my sisters were watching and I had to get up and leave the room, I couldn’t handle it. You’re welcome to laugh at me, I did. That’s kind of extreme for me, I do usually have a thicker skin… I don’t cry in horse movies.
I guess what I’m saying is, it’s almost made me feel things more deeply and (no, I’m not on meds and having mood swings). But with my low tolerance of seeing others in pain I guess watching “The Passion” this weekend may not be a good plan for me…
I’ve had a lot to think on, since I’m mostly laying still, and my extra shot of emotion slants everything a bit differently…
On Palm Sunday I heard a sermon reminding me of 2 vital things. One that’s always very close to my heart is the idea that Jesus knew what he was getting into, he was fully mentally and emotionally aware of the crazyness he was walking into…and He marched in anyway.
He knew He was blameless and yet was chosen to suffer for us. He lived an entirely blameless life and then paid for the thousands of things I am to blame for… He knew He was born to die, He prepared himself for this all His life. He knew it all.
Yet He still wrestled with this… Sometimes I feel like that part is put in there to remind me of the humanity… To remind me that He was weak and broken too… Willing to be broken before His Father, willing to surrender completely. But just as a reminder that this suffering was so terrible, we get to overhear Him begging that the cup be taken… If it be Gods will.
What humility. I don’t want to surrender my right to anything.
Well, I may be sacrificing little luxuries here and there but let’s be reasonable… certainly not my right to myself. We all deserve our rights!
That’s what we believe. It’s what we tell ourselves. I believe in equal rights, civil rights, women’s rights… I’ve actually been very outspoken about that all men being created equal stuff since I was little… So everybody should have rights. But wait, weren’t we supposed to give up our rights? Where in all of this liberation and freedom is Christ?
He’s right there at the last Supper, asking us to give up our rights to our self… While he shows us how. Starting with
washing our feet. Well, his disciples feet… But you know… He wrote the book on servant leadership, the least shall be the greatest and all.
He’s right there asking us, or was he commanding us? Just one thing, Love one another… Even as I have loved you.
First off, if any of us took this seriously we would be living in a different world. The majority of our problems would be solved.
Second, for all of our trumped up infatuation with the idea of love we have no idea what it is or how to apply it… We sing about it and write it out and mostly watch it on TV. We look for it in others, on the internet and in all the wrong places all our lives… But unfortunately our idea of giving it, beyond maybe our beloved family, closest friends and our significant other is not enough. It’s not real. I’m not saying we have no emotions, broken hearts can be real enough, etc… It’s not about that.
It’s about giving something that costs you something… It’s about laying your self down because you want something better for the one you love… And P.S. the one you love is supposed to be everyone you ever meet. Good luck with that if you’re not Jesus.
Even Jesus struggled with that last step in showing perfect love…showing us what or who God is…
Even the son of God, said if its possible… Is it necessary… Is this really what you need from me? Can you take this heavy, terrifying, unbelievably difficult cup from me?
“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”
And then he surrendered, because He knew what love was and He knew He had to complete it. That kind of surrender strikes terror in me sometimes, just thinking about letting go completely, having no control… Anything can happen. I have no rights. I have no room for argument or to say, well God here’s the reason, here’s my opinion, or justification or compromise. There’s no room for that anywhere in this story.
Someone else said it better than me, “I am ashamed to think my cup is rough to swallow”.
How small our minds are… We grow so selfish in our tiny lives. The less we have to suffer the less we are good. The less we hurt and suffer the less we feel anyone else’s pain. It’s so easy not to think beyond our own daily mountains we build up. Into the truth. There is no greater love than this… that a man lay down His life…
That’s our commandment and our eternal example of love, of all things holy…its our only salvation not just from sin, but from our selves and the suffering we will find in this world sometime or another.
Whether your feasts involve Unleavened bread or Easter Ham and desserts, if its a sacred Holy Week to you or a family Easter Egg hunt… Remember the significance of what we’ve been given… The ultimate example of perfect, sacrificial love from Love incarnate, and given the opportunity to live it out, now and forever.
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