Surrender in the rush (3 concerts, 6 hours driving in one Sunday…)

I’m on my way to a “perfect place for imperfect people” apparently… Considering my state of mind while heading down the road @5:30 am that sounds like a good place for me. Today we will play at eXperience Church in Detroit Lakes, MN @9:30 & 11 then load up and drive to Ottertail, MN to this gorgeous place called The Creamery where we will play at 6. With 2 hours there and 2 hours back between sleeps. This day gets longer the more I talk about it…

I should be sleeping but I had to write because I wanted you to know there’s more to come… I partly mean that there are at least 3 unique Blogs in process, at least one of which mentions the goodbyes said last week to  Cornerstone, they’re biding their time & I’m weighing mine.

image

Lately I haven’t been writing it out much, because sometimes the truth that comes in that space where my pen touches the page is something I’m trying to avoid. The pain of strange changes, in life and through death. The fear of what isn’t and what might be. The regrets I will only admit to myself and God, the regrets I drop too many times in conversation…
These things wreak a havoc of wonder and fear, questions to ask God, to ask yourself… Ways you want to be more honest once you realize you’ve been hiding from your own self inventory… You want to go and say things thay haven’t been said before its too late… Before something abruptly beyond you forces you to let go…

I have never been one to embrace certain changes, I certainly haven’t changed in that area. But I’m coming to have more peace, contentment or maybe its acceptance, the longer I live the more I see the good in living in what you have been placed in for this moment in time, in history… There’s a truth in this, a realness, we cannot change the past, we do not have the future yet to touch it, we can only shape this day, this moment we are in, and we should not hold back from that shaping…
Because tomorrow may come hours too late, we only have this time.

This sounds so serious, sounds like I’ve been sobering up about life, love and other mysteries. Well, yes I have. But I’ve also been freeing up about it, knowing that the hour is made to be lived in and just like I can’t count on tomorrow, I can’t subtract from today by making the past or the unheld future into an over-romanticized importance.

Soon will come the pictures and the other blogs, Extreme Tour, Recording @ Redroom, Cornerstone Festival, Northern Minnesota, my lovelife, my new album, my anxiety and my struggles… But for the moment I’m basking in the words that come  when we let them to soothe our shattered souls… I’m thinking of how many times through reading or writing out my thoughts I’m allowed to see them for what they are, to know myself and know God. What a gift to be allowed to see yourself, to know your struggles, admit that you need to improve…

image

What peace in knowing you are not really living unless its in the moment, you are not free (from your own anxiety over the future, resentment over the past, and a stream of uncertainties and unforgiveness in today) unless you are surrendered.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s