Speaking of Relationships / Players and Prejudice

Sitting alone, completely by myself for the first time in a while, a few weeks, maybe all year. Wrestling with the weight of it all… And the questions I’ve been weighing. What is the balance between giving of yourself and giving too much… And is there such a thing?

I watch those close to me try to navigate the often tricky line between giving your life and your plans to God and proving yourself to someone else. I tend to falter here. I’ve made the right choices before and the wrong choices. Now lets step back to try to find some wisdom.

Because I realize that there’s no place where I can or should remove the walk from any decision… Not meaning there is no place for anything else. But that there should not be a separate life… Always everything is measured with the call, with what you are purposed for… Does this complete me, does it add or take away? Does this thing/person ask me to lay down my standards or my call? I wish I could tell you I have found a rule book on how to guard your affections and your heart.

We know what is right but the second something more important, like our ideal relationship, or at least a perfect candidate for it walks in, that moment guards drop and we are suddenly living by a new set of rules the “relationship rules” where suddenly God isn’t as much the judge and the other person is definitely the president. As much as you may have good intentions and you will pray “God let this happen if its your will…” In our hearts we know there’s a new set of rules and they start wherever the significant other says. We will try to prove ourselves worthy, attractive and loyal. And before we realize or think we allow it, we are much more concerned about if we are living up to the last text message or commitment and planning the next date properly, then we are about hearing the still small voice. I’m not being far fetched I’m being honest. I won’t be such an extremist and say like Paul that it would be best if possible to be alone… Maybe that is a purer, better, way to be free of the cares of this world. But few of us are going to be content with that.

So, while we are waiting or maybe diligently looking for “the one”. I really do think there is a way to surrender all to God, as we are asked to… Including emotional ties and affections. He does not insist that we surrender all, but its my opinion that we will not be complete until we do. It is a truth that the more we surrender and give our full selves over to him the more freedom we have. The less our control issues and type A personalities are micromanaging “our lives” the more room there is for God to work. I would even suggest that until we lay our lives down to the point of dying to our self, we will not be fully alive.

The problem here is just this, there are many things in life that other people, (even people who are madly in love with us) will not understand unless they experience them. And you definitely cannot force someone into faith or surrender, you can’t describe it or argue it into them. And they will never see it until they choose to. This is a truth seldom talked about but universally acknowledged.

If you can’t make them see, then how will it work? Well, it won’t unless they do. I didn’t grow up in the standard Christian world where everyone knew to pray for their spouse from birth, I didn’t look for or far into the scripture about being unequally yoked… Until I started to learn it from experience. It’s impossible to walk the walk you’re called to and maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t understand it. One or the other will suffer, most often both because at some point there will be a war within yourself.

Yesterday some of these thoughts were provoked in a conversation, about relationships… Or whatever you want to call it dating, courtship, keeping your options open… I don’t know the right way, or all the right methods. Honestly I don’t put a lot of focus on it, while a broken heart mends. But  sometimes it must be thought of and questions are asked…

Occasionally you will fall in love or in infatuation or in like with someone. Hopefully not too many times… And when you do, hopefully there’s not too many questions before the most important one… Does this add or take away? Do we have the common ground of knowing the importance of walking in obedience and surrender in these trying deceptive times. Because if you don’t, try again… I’m not saying you should be a player… But if you know it’s not of God, don’t be afraid to let it go and start over.

Overall seriously, ask God what His plan for you is, what your purpose in life is and live it out passionately. And all these things will be added to you.


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